I am stupid. So, so stupid. I figured out why I hated Mason so much. I hadn't let go of everyone back home and couldn't enjoy myself because I missed everyone too much. But now I HAVE let go of everyone from here. I barely talk to them anymore. I mean obviously there were some aspects of Mason that I hated, some people that really annoyed me, but I'm going to find that at any school.

I really want to be at GMU or GWU. Mostly GWU because it's awesome. But I'm really regretting leaving right now.

I really need school to start because I'm getting sick of everything and everyone. I got to Boston last night and was all set to see Honest Thomas and chill at Kevin's apartment for the night considering they're all moving to San Francisco on Tuesday, but 30 minutes after I met up with Kev and got to the show and everything I went back to NH to go to the hospital, because OH HEY my grandpa is there and apparently dying because he had a massive heart attack. No one told me this because they didn't want to "worry me" (I know their intentions are good but COME ON) until recently but apparently he was put in the hospital a couple weeks ago and only had 24 hours to live.

What.

If anyone knows me, they know that my grandparents are the most important people in my life. They are the only people in my life who have ever loved me unconditionally, supported me, and have actually been there for me. If and when something ever happens to them, I will be completely crushed. I mean, I know everyone dies and all that jazz, but I don't even know if I could handle that. They are more parents to me than my parents ever could be. So for my family to not even notify me that he only had 24 hours to live FOR OVER 2 WEEKS is pretty fucking ridiculous. Had they told me as soon as they had this information, I would have stopped whatever the hell I was doing and made my way to NH to see him immediately. Luckily, he made it through and is still living, but he's waiting to have triple bypass surgery.

I don't even know what to do. I'm being a negative Nancy, but I'm upset and don't have anyone to talk to anymore because I stopped trusting everyone around me and I find that everyone I try to be friends with are completely unreliable. If I make the effort to contact someone, can't they take like 5 seconds out of their day to pick up a phone? not that difficult.

I'm definitely overreacting right now, but I guess that's just the mood I'm in. I'll eventually be positive again, once this is all over and done with.

So I actually miss DC. WHAT. I thought all the murder, crime, assholes, and general boringness would save me from this fate, but no.


There's about 20 turkeys in my yard right now. Welcome to Vermont.

Writing is what I want to do with my life, yet I can never come up with anything worth saying. I'm thinking that this was a bad career choice. I mean, I'm not even good at it. Although UVM doesn't have a journalism major like GMU did, I'm sort of relieved because writing AP style articles was the bane of my existence. It's just so restricted and everything has to be completely uniform and precise. If I'm going to do something I'm unsure about, it should at least be more creative.

Summer has been flying by and I haven't done anything too exciting. I had all these big plans and ideas, but nothing really came of it. Usually people end up blowing me off (or vice versa) and I just work instead. I should just meet someone and ~*fall in love*~ so I can actually occupy my time more but it's not probably not worth it. It would be convenient at times though... I hate being by myself at night and hearing those stupid trains whistle because THEY SCARE ME TO DEATH. I don't even know why... it's just so creepy! And while I generally enjoy thunder and lightning storms, I don't like being alone in my house with the power out with lightning lighting up all the rooms and having the walls and floors shake from the thunder. I'm usually fine with being alone, but there are those times that I would rather have someone around. And of course as soon as I start writing this, a thunder and lightning storm just HAPPENS to occur.

I would write more but I'm too tired to form a coherent sentence. But instead of going to bed I'll most likely get hungry, make cookies, and listen to cello sonatas. I'm living the high life, I know.